I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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