you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
