we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
