I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
