I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
