She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
COCAINE IS GR8
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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