i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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