Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
