apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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