I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
