whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
