thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My vagina just recognized that song.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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