Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
