I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
