i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
