Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
