now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
