so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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