he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
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Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
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don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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