I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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