guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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