I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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