someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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