I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
