then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
