I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
