I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
