Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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