how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
