I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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