I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
MIDGETS
????
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
