Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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