I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
