hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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