he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
