I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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