I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
