If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
