Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
