shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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