the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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