It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
