If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
