laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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