He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you didnt know i had herpes?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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