Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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