Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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