six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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