OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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