just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
