I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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