I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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