she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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