Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
