I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
