I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
