This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
