Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
