Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
being pregnant is like rehab
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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