Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
