I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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