Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
