She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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