I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Randomize
