i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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