Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
