hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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