watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
