i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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