the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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